Coding By Exception
by Sniperrolf
Summary: A collection of one shots written for NeiR: Automata. - Chapter 1: Flowers For Machines - A2 Didn't intend to be doing this, she thought as she moved another pot of dirt.


...

Walking forward was an odd mixture of horror, joy, and depression.

She was supposed to have died, and those _helpful little moronic_ Pods fixed all of them right up. Well, she assumed they also fixed 2B and 9S. When she finally rebooted she was in too much horror to actually ask.

 _I'm alive._ The thought came with terror. Which wasn't what she had been expecting. She knew she should have felt joy, but instead only pain consumed her. More running, more lack of any home.

 _More pain._

They even assigned a Pod to her, and since it wasn't following the orders of its last owner, she thankfully had more control over it. Not that the company of a Pod at this point wasn't helpful, she just wanted to be alone. It would come back every few days to check up on her until she sent it away again.

Walking aimlessly through ruins days on end, she found herself climbing up the massive buildings and looking out across the landscape from atop of them. Why? She didn't know. She felt like she didn't know anything anymore.

That was when she found _it_. She had no words to even describe the...thing.

Granted yes, it _was_ a robot. A rather standard model at that, shorter than most though. It only came up to her hips, with large plated feet that prevented it from moving very fast. Her first reaction was of course to kill it. However, that was before her mind registered what it was _holding_.

"Are you _farming?_ " she said out loud in shock. Indeed, she had walked into a garden. There were flowers blooming in beds on the top of a flat roof of an old building. It carried a clay pot filled with fresh soil.

The machine stopped in its movements. "No, this is research," it answered back in a deep robotic voice, staring at her.

That was how A2 engaged a robot in a staring match. It felt like a whole ten minutes had passed until the small machine gave up and removed his green-eyed gaze.

"I must continue my research," he finally said, slowly turning around and moving to place the pot on a small table. It carefully carved the numbers '12-342' onto the pot, and slowly started moving back to get another one. The other pots on the table all had other numbers on them as well.

She didn't think anything could be as depressing as herself until she saw how slowly this thing was moving. She proceeded to out walk it in three steps and moved to the pile of dark soil.

"How did you get this up here?" she asked, running her hands through the fine, dark dirt.

"My research suggests that this is called 'compost'. I made it from old plant forms and local wildlife fecal matter."

A2 removed her hand, trying not to look like it was out of discomfort. "Why are you doing this?"

He stopped what he was doing and stared at her. "Why are you disrupting me?"

"Because I've got nothing better to do."

"Typical of an Android."

"Listen here you armored metal midget..."

"Here, eat this," he said, cutting her off from her threat, as he picked a red fruit hanging from a vine. "An experiment of eating this plant's offspring that I refer to as ' _Red Round Orbs,'_ will contribute greatly to my research."

She blinked as she held it. "It's called a tomato." A2 didn't know much about the histories of humans, however food seemed to be one decent way to teach androids about humans. Even if Androids didn't have to eat, it was still fun. Tomatoes were one of the old world plants that the bunker had grown from time to time.

"I shall make an amendment in my research notes," he said.

"And you want me to just eat it raw, like an apple?"

"Subject's refusal to partake in research either means she's incapable of helping, or incapable of placing objects inside her mouth."

A2 glared at the machine and took a solid bite out of the tomato, the thin liquid running down her mouth and neck.

He stared as she ate the tomato, and for a while A2 was starting to wonder why he had requested her to eat the thing. Was she supposed to test if it tasted good? It wasn't bad, it just was food. She never had a massive interest in it to begin with.

"Subjects vital signs seemed to be in operation. _Red Round Orbs,_ now know as _Tomatoes,_ is unsuccessful. My research notes as to them being a poisonous substance called ' _Nightshades_ ' must be unsatisfactory."

She stopped mid-bite. "You were trying to _poison_ me?" The idea was hilariously terrifying. Hilarious because her body wouldn't have been affected by such a human poison if it entered her, and the little robot was too clueless to know that. Terrifying because this machine just _convinced_ her into trying to eat what it thought was a poisonous fruit. "Tomatoes aren't poisonous."

"But these _Red Round Orbs,_ now called _Tomatoes,_ were classified as nightshades, which are."

"Yes, but these aren't. Humans ate them all the time – supposedly," she added. Since now that she thought about it, she never would bet on her knowledge of humans.

"Humans make less sense the more I study their plant life," he said, sounding sad as it turned around and picked up a metal can full of water. It looked like it was some kind of container for food that somehow survived all these years. She watched as it clumsily tried to pour water into a plant's pot.

"...You could use something more suited for that," she said, folding her arms as she watched the thing work.

"You could do something more productive as well, I'm sure. My research notes suggest humans used things called ' _watering cans'_ to water their plants. It's suggested that these cans are made out of the material known as ' _tin.'_ Why they use metal objects however is lost to time."

She put her hand to her face. "It doesn't mean it has to be made out of metal. It means it has a spout."

He blinked. "Why would a can have a spout?"

She reached down and took the metal can from the robot, using her sword to cut an indent out of the metal. He watched in amazement as she did so. When she gave the can back to the machine he looked at it questionably. Until she gestured for him to try pouring it now.

"Intriguing. Perhaps I've underestimated a trading of information between Androids," he said. It was amazing to A2 how over this short time, her mind went from machines being emotionless to her being able to actually _think_ that the thing was, in a way, happy.

"I doubt there is any form of information you can provide me with," she said, standing up.

"Take these," he said. It held out a small metallic hand, in the palm of which were little, small seeds.

A2 looked at them and said, "Are these supposed to kill me, too?"

"I would state that it would be an experiment if they could, but these are payment. They were the start of my... what Humans called a _garden,_ " he said, placing them in her hands. "You may plant them if you wish."

A2 didn't really know what to do, but somehow she found herself following the little machine's instructions though. Dirt in a pot, poking a small hole several times until it was actually happy with it being _exactly_ ¼ inch deep, which was _according to his research notes._

"Now we wait," he said.

"Wait? For how long?"

"This plant takes days before it starts to show life."

"It takes that long?"

"Here, pour some water from the can into the pot."

A2 found herself...relaxed, it was something that took her mind off of literally everything, even more so when the machine found other things for her to do. Before long it was night. And the machine couldn't think of anything else for her to do at the moment.

As she stared out over the little garden, she found herself smiling.

"Proposal: Scans of Unit A2 shows a relaxed mental state, Unit A2 should consider staying here longer."

She tried not to glare at Pod 259 when it suddenly appeared, of course she knew she probably looked like it anyway. It was her natural state at this point.

"What have I said about you guys telling me what to do?" she said, placing her hands on her hips. The Pod was a sharp smack back to reality.

"Unit A2 has stated 237 times now to not propose what to do. Proposal: Unit A2 should rest here for the night, or provide more intel on her intentions."

She sighed. "If it'll make you shut up for five damn minutes... Fine, I'll stay."

...

* * *

...

 **Pod 043 To Pod 259:** "Inquire: Is Unit A2 still resisting any form of commutation from Support Pod 259?

 **Pod 259 To Pod 043:** "Negative. Unit A2 seemed to have taken up a hobby."

 **Pod 043 To Pod 259:** "...What?"

 **Pod 259 To Pod 043:** "Unit A2 seems to be enjoying an old human skill called ' _Gardening.'_ It has had a monumental effect on her mental state. Proposal: Other Tactical Support Pods should consider encouraging remaining YoRHa members to have a hobby."

 **Pod 153 To Pod 259:** "More investigation recommended. Proposal: Try to encourage remaining YoRHa members to have a hobby."

 **Pod 043 To Pod 259 And 153:** "Proposal accepted."


End file.
